Funny, I'm still alive

A year has come and gone. I don't really think much of the new year. To me, it's just another day. The birthday, now that's my new year. That's the time when I think back at everything I've done and gone through and then decide if it was worth anything. I feel that this year has been a great one for me.

I've been to three Off-Broadway Musicals. Les Miserables, that crappy one about... Vietnam? It's based off of Madam Butterfly. Miss Saigon, that's it! And Wicked, which was by far the best.

I have become infatuated and beyond with Rachel. Good times there.

I have nearly completed my third novel, this time with more words! And plot twists!

I was just selected as the Officer of the Quarter at work. Premium parking for three months and a cool plaque!

I got a bed. And a couch. And a tv.

I drove through the worst blizzard of my life and survived without incident.

I was diagnosed with Narcolepsy. Had my first episode of Sleep Paralysis about a month or two ago.

I started playing Magic: The Gathering.

I bought one gun, and was gifted another, and awesome one from my father.

I gained nearly twenty pounds.

I made some good chili.

That's about it. It's just been great, even with the bad parts. Everything seems to be falling into place, not that I haven't worked for a lot of it, but it's almost like the universe finally got sick of me being so boring all the time. Though, I suppose I am still boring to some people, like that douche at work that hates his life so much that he has to insult my own. Poor dude.

Getting back into things

So, while I was writing the book, I would go to work every night and as soon as I got bored, I would go, "What should happen next in my story?"

Now that I don't have a particular story to write, I just find myself going... hmmmm... well now I'm bored. and then I promptly fall asleep (which may or may not be due to the narcolepsy I might or might not be privy to.).

Because of this, I've gone back to contemplating Taoism and my role in the universe and how being a correctional officer fits into all of that.

To sum up, there is Yin and Yang. Yin is "negative" and Yang is "positive." They are largely relative and depend upon circumstances to understand in most cases. Now, the Yin Yang symbol is a circle, with the half white half black interior and litlte bits of white and black, you know what it looks like.

Now, the circle is special and misunderstood in Western culture. The traditional Chinese belief is that there are no opposites, just differing manifestations of a concept. For instance, hot and cold are not opposites, they are simply both a form of temperature. Big and small are not opposites, but forms of size.

So, with simple material examples, it's pretty clear cut. But what about concepts? Where do Justice and Crime lie? Where do Punishment and Righteousness lie? Where do Restriction and Freedom lie?

Now, part of my job as an officer is to restrict the activity of inmates. On my end, I am enforcing Justice. A Yang attribute. On the inmate's end, he is experiencing restriction. A Yin attribute. Since the Yin and Yang are present, there is harmony as the opposites complement eachother.

However, it is in our natural state to strive for our desires. Desires can be good or bad, yin or yang, depending I guess on the nature of the desire, and the means you use to achieve the end.

So what does it mean when an inmate strives for freedom? Suddenly, I am no longer enforcing Justice, but I'm imposing restriction, and he is striving for freedom, and then we've flipped sides. But wait, what if I'm still enforcing justice, a yang quality, and he is striving for freedom? Then we have to yang's and no yin! That creates conflict! Of the most universal proportions!

Now, another thing that throws a whole wrench into the equation: The I Ching states that the gua "Meng" is about education. Alfred Huang says on the matter, "...education, for example, should be used to lead the ignorant to the right path. Punishment should not be employed. A norm of proper behavior should be set up. It is important to be maganimous [sic] to docile minority tribes and to educate them in the way to establish harmonious families and help their descendants sustain their families."

So in one sense, simply administering punishment to people is not "steadfast and upright" as Huang would say. It is not the correct way.

So... what then? What solution is there for me to realistically strive for? What can I do as a person to improve the live's of those that I interact with, and at the same time bring harmony to myself?

There are many officers that I work with that deliberately harden themselves, cut off their empathic response to those around them simply because they have committed a crime. They are completely... lifeless and downright despicable sometimes. It's like, they can't handle the possibility of actually having concern for other people, so they become total assholes.

Now, for me, getting too involved hasn't been a problem, and I doubt it will be. I simply treat the people like human beings and give them what they are allowed to have and no more. However, this leads to me being complacent, as I found last night as a person was half-way attacked not two feet away from me last night. She wasn't hurt, but I froze up, completely locked out of what I should do and how I should react. Honestly, I was in the perfect position to take him down and cuff him (and it was perfectly justified.), but I didn't even think about it until after he took off running.

That was also the first time... I think ever that I've had such an adrenaline rush.

So, to review: Yin Yang and adrenaline. Connected?

Kchahrazzlefinimuhpah!

Things I like:

Classical guitar sound
Moving stories
The smell of rain
A bottle of water by my side so I never go thirsty
The smell of flowers
Girls
Kittens
A good movie
Putting my feet up
Wearing hats
Making people giggle
Making people squirm
Doing things the hard way, on purpose
Wandering through fields
Girls
John Dies at the End
Deathklok
Saris
The following Disney movies: Aladdin, Hercules, Tarzan, Lion King.
Misogyny.
Cuz gurlz r dum.