Sunday, March 29, 2009

The Most Retarded Trip

Surprisingly, I am alive and well. I'm so surprised that I am actually wondering how I made it to today without so much as a scratch upon my delicate supple man-skin.

Where do I start? I put in for a vacation several weeks ago at work so I could see my family in Utah. Unfortunately, my older brother couldn't make it, but I got to see my parents and grandparents at least. It's been awhile, so it was worth it all.

Anyway, Sunday morning on the 22nd of March at 8:19 AM, Curtis and I were done packing and hopped in the car to make our trip. The Mapquest estimate was around 19 hours and we figured we could do it in one go, trading off periodically. We got a late start because Curtis spent the entire night looking for the car keys that I accidentally kept in my pocket. I ended up needing Rachel to pick me up from work so I could get home to produce viable engine-starting keys.

So, we had a two-hour delay there, but that wasn't a big deal. We took off on the drive, the very bumpy, vibratory drive. You see, my front passenger side rim is bent beyond repair, and caused the car to vibrate at roughly the rate of rotation. I would find out later that this vibration was not actually caused entirely by the rim damage, but from the rear wheels with axle damage causing the wheels to wear unevenly as if I locked up the wheels going 100 mph and wearing only one particular section of each wheel. Since the wheels were slightly different sizes due to their differing amounts of wear, the vibration came and went at regular intervals and moved from side to side... The car ride was bumpy, is what I'm saying.

We got through Kansas and most of Colorado with no incident. Curtis and I talked and sang songs and had a good time. I took a nap and then we got some gas. We did great on mileage, averaging around 39 mpg the whole way.

Then we got to the first mountain. My car couldn't handle the incline, so I did it all in 3rd gear, going about 30 mph the whole way to the summit, then rolling down the 8% grade in 4th gear to limit my speed to 60 so I didn't fly off the cliffs or crash into the car riding their brake the entire way just in front of me.

Then a deer headbutted my driver's side window. See, one jumped out in front of me, to which I replied, "OH CRAP OH CRAPOHCRAPCRAPCRAP!" I managed to avoid his delicious posterior and swerved slightly to continue on, when his little buddy decided to literally headbutt my window. I looked to the left to just catch his snout smearing snot and saliva across the glass pane. In my rear-view mirror I saw him trot off into the brush, satisfied with his stunt. He probably high-fived his buddy just out of sight.

So I checked my wheels again next time I got gas, and saw that the rear tires were wearing pretty fast. It was too late to get new ones at a tire store or at walmart, so I just decided to push forward. Curtis drove again and I tried to sleep, but I couldn't cause it was dark and we were climbing yet another mountain with cliffs and I just got a little nervous. We ended up in Grand Junction later than expected where we took a quick pee break and then continued to march forward. Onward ever onward.

We passed Green River, Utah with two gallons of gas left. The nearest gas station, which I didn't realize at the time, was about 100 miles away. We climbed yet another fricken' mountain, then saw that we would not make it to the safety of a few gallons of petroleum distillate. But glory be, the wafaring angels sang and behold, a sign appeared!


We pull off, rejoicing at our luck, then immediately cursing our fate...


Somehow, I've been blessed with extreme luck. You see, I have a 10 gallon gas tank in my Corolla. When we rolled in to Ferren, Utah, I somehow managed to put 10.24 gallons of Dubya Juice into the money hole of fuel.

Hour long detour there, 3 hours behind our normal schedule... Then another mountain to climb, while snowing. I hit the second worst snow storm of my life then, and managed to drive the rest of the way to St. George unable to see. Joy.

I passed 8 or 10 cars all parked, waiting out the storm. I just kept going.

Then we were in St. George.

Tune in next time for part 2. THE RECKONING!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009


My car was broken into a few days ago. I knew it was coming, so I'm not upset. I lost one 12" Subwoofer, one 600 watt Amplifier, and about 50 CDs that I've collected over the past two years.

Really, I'm not upset about it. My girlfriend was much more upset about it than I was cause the theft occurred in front of her house right on the street. I didn't lock the car, so it serves me right. I hope the perpetrator enjoys the high quality sound of the Pioneer system s/he took, or at least is able to pay the bills this month after selling it on the street. According to the pawn shop I went to, that's what they would most likely do. Wichita is a good place to sell something like that right on the street.

In other news, I'm loving Resident Evil 5. It's a blast to play co-op with a friend or certainly special friend of the female inclination.

Also, possibly going to be moving next month when Curtis moves back to Utah. I don't want to pay so much for utilities in this house if I can manage it.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Shady Business Practices and Watchmen

So, quick little story. I stop by this pawn shop in town and look at guns a couple times. There is one in particular that catches my eye, and so I do some research, think it over, and decide that I'll invest. Rachel and I head down there from my house, excitement in tow, where I inspect the gun, and inform the sweet-faced gentleman behind the counter that I would like to make a purchase. The first thing that should have tipped me off was that he didn't card me for handling the weapon. A person under 21 isn't allowed to play with the pistolos in the store. I look a bit old for my age though, so I didn't really think much.

Anyway, I fill out the background check form and sign it. He asks nonchalantly, "Can I get your Driver's License real quick to wrap this up? We'll have it done and you'll be on your way in about five minutes." I whip out my holofoil Wyoming License and flick it out at him, and he takes a step back, looks at the ID and says, "Do you have a Kansas ID? I can't do the check without one."

I tell him that I've been using the Wyoming license since I moved here nearly a year ago, and he barely hesitates before turning to Rachel and asking her, "You have a license right?"

She turns to me with wide eyes, and then my eyes go wide in response to that. The gentleman at the counter tempts her with such pretty words, such as, "It's just for the background check. I can't sell the weapon without someone being checked. Don't worry, no records are kept anywhere but here. Don't worry, unless you have a felony on your record."

Rachel was cool with it, and she did the background check, and then had to pay for the gun (since it would look weird if any ATF guys were to come in and see that the background check was on Rachel but the gun was paid for by Chris).

That's pretty much it. Kansas doesn't register weapons to people, and Person-to-Person gun sales aren't really monitored (Since I technically bought the gun from Rachel), so we didn't do anything particularly illegal, but it's awfully shady for someone to knowingly sell a gun to a person for someone else.

Went to see Watchmen last night. Was entertaining. Enjoyed the film overall, but figured strangers to comic would be confused, uninterested. Artistic liberties necessary, but unobtrusive. Mostly wise. Missed Rorschach's attack on kid with cigarette. Good times.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Killing Spree

I bought the following gun, right? It's the one on top.


And then Laurie and her son and I went out to kill Sam Walton.

shot up sammy

Josh doesn't really aim the gun when he shoots. He kinda just points and empties the clip as fast as he can, which, I can't really blame him for. It's very fun.

The shot just under Sammy's right eyeball was from Laurie. That was some sweetly released pent-up rage right there.

Also, I made that nice little group in the top right corner of the target. It was my first time shooting the gun so I wanted to see how accurate it was. Not too bad, if I say so myself.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Walmart, Guns, and Pizza

I'm eating a leftover breadstick from the Il Vicino pizza place in Wichita. Good food, good service, good jazz music and a nice ambient atmosphere. It's a little pricey for what you get, in terms of quantity, but the general quality of everything there is above par. I'll be going there again in the near future for foodage.

So, the basis for our trek into Wichita was for Rachel to get some ideas on Laptop prices. She needs one for school and I wanted to help her find a good deal. We only really stopped at Best Buy and didn't find much that was promising. There was one or two that would work just fine, but were already showing their age right on the shelf, and even though having the newest fastest computer on the market is usually a waste, having one that is already pathetic by tomorrow's standards is probably moving backwards a little bit. I can't say I really know what I'm talking about, but I'm just riffing on instinct at this point.

While we were there, we stopped by the gun store, where some creepy dude promptly said, "Now tha's wut I'm talkin' abowt" while eyeing Rachel hungrily. I just wanted to check out magazines for my new gun I kinda bought (in a rather shady deal uptown. Another story for another day.). The store there wanted to sell a 7 round magazine for 27 dollars. I said, "hmmm, I'll think about it." I lied though, because I found a three pack online ( for the same price, and the reviews look good and I've bought stuff from them before. I had no intention to think twice about paying that much for a single magazine. I did, however, buy an overpriced box of ammo to test out the gun with tomorrow.

Which brings me to the next point. My friend Laurie, who just hit her 5-year anniversary at Walmart, and I are going shooting tomorrow. I think we'll paint pictures of her employers on the targets before we obliterate them. She got a pathetic raise, and no congratulations for her hard work. Seems that they quickly forgot about how she beat cancer and was hit by a car all while undergoing the stresses of Multiple Sclerosis during her latest six months there. Stupid machine.

Luckily she'll have a car soon so she can try to get a job somewhere else. Unfortunately there, though, the economy still sucks and many places are having hiring freezes right now, and she can't afford a drop in pay rate.

As for my job, I'm currently on suspension for bringing my cell phone into the facility. Automatic 3-day suspension without pay. It's not too big of a deal, really, but it goes on my record, and prevents me from being promoted for one year. So the earliest I can go up in rank is March of 2010. I guess it's a good thing and a bad thing. If I tried to promote now, and got it, I would be really unprepared for the responsibility. Another year will help me understand the laws and rules better so that I would do a more thorough job. My supervisor told me the other night though that as soon as I get past my year of disciplinary probation, I'm a shoe-in for promotion. I said thank you for the compliment and he said, "I'm serious. You're a smart kid." It was really nice to hear.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Nope, I'm not distracted at all

I started seeing this girl recently. That's why I don't write much these days, cause I'm NOT distracted at all.

Actually, I just got distracted.

Bye. For now.