Poetry for the Parents Part. 1

For Mom-

Momma, life has just begun
for your slightly crazy son
I doubt you'll read these lines
once I ask you to pay my fines

You're finally moving from that barren wasteland
Into some kind of obligatorily rhyming dry-land
Even though that wasn't technically a rhyme
I simply will not suffer rhyme-time.

St. George, here Mom comes
to kick it's ass and finally live in a place with nice weather, (Tums)
I'm sure you'll love it, until the summer
Then you'll probably say, "Oh Bummer!"

I can picture you saying that with a ridiculous smile on your face
and if I'm lucky, you'll do it while reading this case
I can't think of a way to finish this stanza
But I do have a rhyme from Seinfeld, Castanza.

So Mom, you gave me psoriasis, but that is okay.
I put you through 24 hours of goddamn labor and then you had to deliver a 9-Plus pound
baby which is just ridiculous if you think about it and my current size and how completely
disproportional that ratio is. I mean, I'm underweight now but then I was fricken HUGE.
Now what rhymes with okay?

Anyway, I've gotten off-topic
You're probably just a little stoic
I hope you have a grande ole day
Stop thinking that your eldest son is gay!