Interesting Night

So I was sick of being on the computer. I needed to get up and do something, so I went to Walmart to grab some toilet paper and milk. As I was walking into the store, there was a gentleman standing outside, smoking a cigarette. I decided to give him a cool, casual nod of acknowledgment on my way in, but when I looked up to do so, he was looking down at a piece of paper in his hand, so I just went on my way.

After a few minutes of carefully price matching toilet paper brands (12 double rolls for $5.97 or 24 standard rolls for $6.07?) and then snatching up a half gallon of 2% ($1.87), I strolled gently up to the cash register and bribed the Walmart cashier into letting me steal everything I was carrying.

As I skipped merrily into the bitter freezing cold, the gentleman from before walked up to me and said, "Hey man, I need some help."

In my head I said, "Oh shit, I'm getting mugged. Just what I need." I steeled my balls, balled my fists of steel, and gave him a steely gaze then said, "Sup dude, whatchya need?"

He asked if I could give him a ride to Wichita. The person that drove him from Wichita to good old El Dorado left him there because he refused to give the driver a sexual favor.

I said, "Eh, why not? That's my car."

So we got in, and I drove him to Wichita. He called the guy who basically kidnapped him and said, "Hey man, Imma call the police on yo ass." Then he turned to me and said, "How do you hang up with this phone? That one? No, uh, that one, yeah, there we go."

I asked him where we were going and he said, "Oh, on Broadway, down by the Central Business District."

And I thought, "Oh shit, I'm getting mugged. That's just what I need."

We had a pleasant conversation and I dropped him off at a motel in Wichita. When we stopped, I looked around for his friends who would inevitably rob me and possibly shoot me. He asked me what I wanted in return for the ride. I said, huh? He said, "What do I owe you?" and I said, "Oh, I just wanted a blow job."

And he gave me the most amazing look in the world. It was like, I could see the words behind his eyes, saying, "That is just what I fuckin' need." I honestly couldn't keep a straight face after seeing that look in his eyes. I laughed, then said, "Ha, man, I'm just messing with you. I don't want anything."

So he shook my hand and we both bid each other safe journeys and I drove home. The end.

As best I can tell, this is what happened to him (We'll call him Tony): Tony was at a party with some friends in Wichita, probably drinking a little, and when it came time to head out, he got a ride from someone there that he didn't really know. The guy drove Tony to El Dorado and told him he had to give him a blow job if he wanted a ride back. Tony said, "hell no, I'll just get a ride from one of my friends. Let me borrow your phone." So he called his friend gave the phone back and got out of the car, then wrote down the license plate number. When Tony got into Walmart, he called his friend back on the payphone and got the caller ID number from the kidnapper. A few minutes later, I showed up and gave him a ride home. Tony told me he would report the incident to the police, but if he met the kidnapper before the police caught him, he would "knock him out."

An Interesting Night