The last push

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HAHA! I did it!

I made one last push today, a two hour write-a-thon with only a ten minute break halfway through. I've just finished writing the worst novel in the history of man, but damn does it feel good. I didn't even feel this accomplished when I finished my first book. Whew...

So, the jist of the story:
Tom, just a regular schmoe, finds himself hiding in a shelter after a huge science experiment goes awry causing a massive solar flare to heat up Earth's atmosphere. He meets a few survivors on the way, and hilarity ensues.
I am no science fiction writer, so it is terrible from that respect, and the main character is not particularly likeable, so it's terrible that way too. Also, there are extensive monologues about cannibalism, both from the pro cannibalistic viewpoint and the anti cannibalistic. There is also a load of sex so I can't ever let my mom read it. It's really awful, but I wrote it and I'm happy with the ending at least.

Well I'm pooped. I think I'll go eat now.

I'm still kickin'

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Once again, nothing to say

My friend Laurie keeps pestering me to update my blog, which I hate doing right now for several reasons.

First and foremost, I'm behind on NaNoWriMo. I'm catching up, but I'm still 5000 words short of where I should be today, and I won't get much written because I spend a lot of time moderating the chatroom and chatting with friends that have no other line of communication with me. I wish I could get away from that sometimes, because I realize how much time I spend writing all day that doesn't go towards my word count. I wouldn't trade my time with friends for anything, so I have to manage my time better, and spending time on this has taken a back seat for the month.

Second, I'm busy at work, and most of the things I would write about are confidential. I mean, they give me some inspiration, especially for my book, so it's good in that way, but to write it in a non-fiction way is leaning toward the dangerous and lawsuit-filled life of stress.

Third, although things are going great right now, besides the potential for narcolepsy and slight stress, I don't have much in the way of really positive things to write about. You know I haven't a vacation to talk about or a new car or anything, and I refuse to let this blog degenerate into emo bullshit just cause I'm looking to reinforce how hard life is onto my psyche. It's unhealthy and unnecessary, so I'd rather work through my problems and write about positive and interesting things.

So, when December 1st rolls around or whenever something interesting comes up, expect updates to resume normally. ^_^

Not much to update

You see, NaNoWriMo is taking all of my time from the blog. When I'm writing, it's just for that, and so far it has been pretty rough to get words to come out. As you can see, I'm failing most of my days worth of words, and I'm only halfway where I should be so far.

Anyway, everything is going well. Not much to report anyway. My NaNo story is about the world after a huge solar flare heats up the earth's atmosphere in a matter of days to unbearable levels. Only a few survive if they were lucky enough to get into a shelter. After a few months the temperatures start to die down to livable levels, and this takes place as the few remaining humans try to survive. The main character is supposed to be rather unlikeable, and is turning out to be me with all of my bad traits magnified. It's interesting to develop.

Cancer

My best friend's cancer is in remission. No more chemo is expected, nor surgery. This is an awesome day.

Thoughts

I was driving home from the house of my friend Laurie tonight. It's about 35 miles I guess from my driveway to hers. Glancing out my driver's side window, I caught a glimpse of the Orion's Belt constellation. Every time I see it I seem to think it should be smaller. I swear when I was a kid, the constellation was about half the size as it is now. Perhaps it's just my imagination, but I'm always surprised at how vast it appears and how brightly the stars shine.

So, while I'm looking out, thinking of the vastness of the universe, a truck comes in my direction in the opposite lane, so I dim my high-beams and wonder, "What's that guy's story?"

What is any guy's story, really?

I woke up this morning about 7:45 AM. I had crashed at Laurie's house since I was still a bit sick from the flu and she had heating blankets and ibuprofin. I woke up this morning almost 100% better, and for some reason, quite emotional. I went to the doctor, got my new graphics card for the computer (Can't use it cause my power supply will burn out within seconds if I plug it in) and went back to Laurie's to drop her off.

On the way, I was explaining the basic plot of the musical, "Wicked" based off the novel by Gregory Maguire. While listening to the music, I don't know what exactly was happening, maybe hormones or some other brain chemicals were going wild, but I was on the brink of tears while listening to the first few tracks of the Broadway recording. Now, I always get the chills on the first track, "No One Mourns the Wicked". But this was ridiculous. (I do feel I relate to it in a way, for a long time being a non-Mormon in a heavily dominant Mormon town, I felt "wicked")

I also watched Obama's 30 minute... thing tonight. I dunno what to call it. It was a campaign ad, but it was mostly about American people that he intends to help as President. Whatever it was, it nearly put me in tears. This time, tears of joy, which I've only had like, twice in my life (both forced, to an extent, by the way) were right on the brink of falling out of my eyeballs.

I swear this all ties together in some way.

Another thing I've been doing recently in my spare time is studying the I-Ching. I had never heard of it actually until I read a book compiled from notes written by the late Bruce Lee called, Artist of Life. Apparently Lee had studied and contemplated it in his life, and since I'm a raging fanboy and want to do everything Bruce did, I got myself a copy. I got myself the supposed difinitive ultra awesome new translation by a guy who was imprisoned and tortured in China years ago and now teaches Tai Chi in California. (He has a pretty impressive life history actually, and writes a very... full book. There is so much information on each page that it would take years to understand even half of it, but it's not so dense that you can't get a little tidbit of great philosophy every time you sit and read it.)

In this book, the process of the universe, and in a way, a look at the Tao is explained. The cycle of the world is based upon 64 guas that each describe a moment or process in life that moves on to the next. The first two gua as "Taoist Master Alfred Huang" lists them are "Heaven" and "Earth", more commonly known as Yang and Yin. Positive and negative. To have a working knowledge of positive and negative, heaven and earth, you can effectively deflect anything undesireable in your life, neutralizing conflict and bringing peace to others, as well as your own mind.

Stay with me here, we have a few topics to remember. 1.) The universe is big, 2.) I'm interested in people, 3.) I'm hyper-emotional (Hyper-positive), 4.) My thoughts, of late, have been of peace and harmony.

Lastly, my younger brother and I were discussing a few nights ago about doing something big in life. This is a hard thing to define, because some people make amazing accomplishments within their mind, that no one can see, and no one will ever celebrate them because it is not visible. On the other hand, people that build big things and produce amazing tangible works in their lifetimes are remembered forever, even if it took little effort in the grand scheme of things.

So, in the realm of possibility, what could I possibly do to positively make a big impact on the world, while remaining within the balance of Yin and Yang? How can I help humans? Is it even my place to help others? What am I robbing people of by nosing my way into their lives?

My grandpa often offers to buy me things, take me out to dinner, make my life comfortable in a material sense whenever I am visiting him. He does this for his family because, in his mind, he will reap benefits and blessings here and in heaven for doing such good deeds. There is a minor flaw in that mindset, I believe, but it's a respectable outlook on life. If we refuse his offer, he usually gives us a spiel about how it "robs him of his blessings" because we are preventing him from doing a good deed.

Now, normally I don't buy into that "robbing of blessings" outlook. But I often use that tactic when I'm trying to help someone that doesn't want to be helped.



You know what, I'm incredibly tired right now and have completely lost the focus of this entry in the past two paragraphs.

Let me just get it out there while I can: I want to overthrow a Columbian drug cartel and start making millions shipping blow all over the world, buying an island nation, and beginning my ascent into world domination. That's it.

At the doctor today: She said she wanted me to get lab work done to make sure I didn't have diabetes or some kind of chronic health problem that was causing me to sleep so much (I have hypersombulism, which may be due to narcolepsy or sleep apnea and a lack of oxygen) and I'm also going to get a sleep study done sometime in the next week or two. I may also see a specialist and get some drugs if a proper diagnosis can't be found soon.

I still need to talk to a doctor about my hearing. I have a slight suspicion that my social problems are, in some way, due to hearing loss and the inability to follow conversation very well. Maybe it's just a vain hope that I'm unpopular due to some 3rd party, rather than having to blame myself, or maybe it's something that could actually, if understood and taken care of, help me develop more friendships.

The best part about the flu

Is not having it. Ugh, this is seriously unpleasant. I hate being sick with a passion, and it used to be so rare for me. Now I seem to get sick a couple times a year instead of just once. This is, of course, just gauging by the last two. About 10 months ago I passed out for the first time. Interesting experience, since I've never lost consciousness before without being in a bed.

Funny story actually. I was in Evanston, Wyoming one night, and I bought chinese food for me and my girlfriend at the time. I drove back to Mountain View, and we ate. And I really chowed down. I drank like, 2 cups of egg drop soup, and then downed some sweet and sour chicken. I really overate. So after we ate, I went back home to Lyman, about 5 miles away and started playing Super Stardust HD for the PS3. I was having a gay ol' time blowing up asteroids, when suddenly, I was feeling motion sick. Now, that's not too unusual, I figured I'd finish the level I was on and go lie down. I also had to pee though, so I paused the game and went to the bathroom. I unzipped, whipped it out, peed, and then got lightheaded, which again, not too unusual since I literally jumped off the couch and sprinted to the bathroom (It was a particularly intense game, gimme a break.). I finished peeing, and I kept getting more and more lightheaded. The last thing I remember was falling forward, putting my hands down on the back of the toilet tank dealy and saying, "oh craaa---"

I woke up on the other side of the bathroom, facing the toilet, wang hanging out of my pants, pointing at me. I jolted to alertness, and said aloud, "Did I just faint? whoaaAAABLAAARRGGGHHHH!!!" and proceeded to violently vomit up all of the chinese I ate and 15 ounces of Naked brand Red Machine.

And I do mean violently. It was the most projectile of all vomits I've hurled from my innards. There was just so much pressure from behind throwing it out that it was almost satisfying. Like, I'm sure someone would be impressed by the distance I could have achieved. Maybe a bulimic.

Anyway, with this nasty flu, I've thrown up twice, pure bile, pure rage, pure "brother hiding in the corner of the house plugging his ears repeating 'This isn't really happening' over and over like a mantra."

My neck and head hurt so much right now I think I ought to lie down again.