Thoughts

I was driving home from the house of my friend Laurie tonight. It's about 35 miles I guess from my driveway to hers. Glancing out my driver's side window, I caught a glimpse of the Orion's Belt constellation. Every time I see it I seem to think it should be smaller. I swear when I was a kid, the constellation was about half the size as it is now. Perhaps it's just my imagination, but I'm always surprised at how vast it appears and how brightly the stars shine.

So, while I'm looking out, thinking of the vastness of the universe, a truck comes in my direction in the opposite lane, so I dim my high-beams and wonder, "What's that guy's story?"

What is any guy's story, really?

I woke up this morning about 7:45 AM. I had crashed at Laurie's house since I was still a bit sick from the flu and she had heating blankets and ibuprofin. I woke up this morning almost 100% better, and for some reason, quite emotional. I went to the doctor, got my new graphics card for the computer (Can't use it cause my power supply will burn out within seconds if I plug it in) and went back to Laurie's to drop her off.

On the way, I was explaining the basic plot of the musical, "Wicked" based off the novel by Gregory Maguire. While listening to the music, I don't know what exactly was happening, maybe hormones or some other brain chemicals were going wild, but I was on the brink of tears while listening to the first few tracks of the Broadway recording. Now, I always get the chills on the first track, "No One Mourns the Wicked". But this was ridiculous. (I do feel I relate to it in a way, for a long time being a non-Mormon in a heavily dominant Mormon town, I felt "wicked")

I also watched Obama's 30 minute... thing tonight. I dunno what to call it. It was a campaign ad, but it was mostly about American people that he intends to help as President. Whatever it was, it nearly put me in tears. This time, tears of joy, which I've only had like, twice in my life (both forced, to an extent, by the way) were right on the brink of falling out of my eyeballs.

I swear this all ties together in some way.

Another thing I've been doing recently in my spare time is studying the I-Ching. I had never heard of it actually until I read a book compiled from notes written by the late Bruce Lee called, Artist of Life. Apparently Lee had studied and contemplated it in his life, and since I'm a raging fanboy and want to do everything Bruce did, I got myself a copy. I got myself the supposed difinitive ultra awesome new translation by a guy who was imprisoned and tortured in China years ago and now teaches Tai Chi in California. (He has a pretty impressive life history actually, and writes a very... full book. There is so much information on each page that it would take years to understand even half of it, but it's not so dense that you can't get a little tidbit of great philosophy every time you sit and read it.)

In this book, the process of the universe, and in a way, a look at the Tao is explained. The cycle of the world is based upon 64 guas that each describe a moment or process in life that moves on to the next. The first two gua as "Taoist Master Alfred Huang" lists them are "Heaven" and "Earth", more commonly known as Yang and Yin. Positive and negative. To have a working knowledge of positive and negative, heaven and earth, you can effectively deflect anything undesireable in your life, neutralizing conflict and bringing peace to others, as well as your own mind.

Stay with me here, we have a few topics to remember. 1.) The universe is big, 2.) I'm interested in people, 3.) I'm hyper-emotional (Hyper-positive), 4.) My thoughts, of late, have been of peace and harmony.

Lastly, my younger brother and I were discussing a few nights ago about doing something big in life. This is a hard thing to define, because some people make amazing accomplishments within their mind, that no one can see, and no one will ever celebrate them because it is not visible. On the other hand, people that build big things and produce amazing tangible works in their lifetimes are remembered forever, even if it took little effort in the grand scheme of things.

So, in the realm of possibility, what could I possibly do to positively make a big impact on the world, while remaining within the balance of Yin and Yang? How can I help humans? Is it even my place to help others? What am I robbing people of by nosing my way into their lives?

My grandpa often offers to buy me things, take me out to dinner, make my life comfortable in a material sense whenever I am visiting him. He does this for his family because, in his mind, he will reap benefits and blessings here and in heaven for doing such good deeds. There is a minor flaw in that mindset, I believe, but it's a respectable outlook on life. If we refuse his offer, he usually gives us a spiel about how it "robs him of his blessings" because we are preventing him from doing a good deed.

Now, normally I don't buy into that "robbing of blessings" outlook. But I often use that tactic when I'm trying to help someone that doesn't want to be helped.



You know what, I'm incredibly tired right now and have completely lost the focus of this entry in the past two paragraphs.

Let me just get it out there while I can: I want to overthrow a Columbian drug cartel and start making millions shipping blow all over the world, buying an island nation, and beginning my ascent into world domination. That's it.

At the doctor today: She said she wanted me to get lab work done to make sure I didn't have diabetes or some kind of chronic health problem that was causing me to sleep so much (I have hypersombulism, which may be due to narcolepsy or sleep apnea and a lack of oxygen) and I'm also going to get a sleep study done sometime in the next week or two. I may also see a specialist and get some drugs if a proper diagnosis can't be found soon.

I still need to talk to a doctor about my hearing. I have a slight suspicion that my social problems are, in some way, due to hearing loss and the inability to follow conversation very well. Maybe it's just a vain hope that I'm unpopular due to some 3rd party, rather than having to blame myself, or maybe it's something that could actually, if understood and taken care of, help me develop more friendships.

Graduation Today

I graduated from my basic training today. 200 hours, 12 credit hours, in five weeks. I'm certified to work with Segregated inmates. I'm certified to handle and use a .357 Revolver, a 12-gauge pump-action shotgun, and a Mini-14 rifle. I have a cool outfit, and sometimes I get to wear a stab-vest at work.

I feel pretty awesome right now!

Except for the dang fleas. The previous tenants here had a dog or something and the carpet is infested. I sprayed flea killer all over the place but it didn't do a thing. A real exterminator is coming next week, so hopefully I don't contract any crazy flesh-eating disease before then. I've been rubbing vinegar on my legs and arms to keep the fleas off. I think it helps a little, but it doesn't fend them off for long.

I've been getting into heavy metal music a lot more than usual lately. I find DragonForce and Dethklok to be particularly awesome. Curtis and I discussed, briefly, making a metal band, albeit a rather low-key one, due to our lack of skill and instruments, using only a microphone, an acoustic guitar, and a bass guitar without an amp, all combined and modified with computer software. Could be awesome. Could be totally metal.

Insomnia - A quick post

I couldn't seem to fall asleep, so I'm going to try for 3 hours of sleep tonight like I did last night. I already have some tea ready for consumption upon waking so hopefully a steady stream of caffeine in my veins will keep me up through whatever we are learning at work today. I need to stop going to bed so late on weekends. It throws me all off.

In other news, I'll be moving to El Dorado possibly on Friday. The house is a bit of a shit-hole, but Curtis likes it and I think it'll be fun. We'll have a yard and enough space between the other houses to actually play guitars and stuff.

My Five Year Plan

No, I'm not really a communist. I just decided to put down my goals for the next five years of my life. Now that I have a steady job, and potentially a place to stay (waiting on a phone call from a dude who is renting out one of his bedrooms.), I am really looking forward to accomplishing some things in my life. So, I'll start from the more pressing, short-term goals, and work up to the long-term goals.

Next Week:

-Ask out the girl at the cafe I eat at every lunch time. (She's impossibly cute.)
-Get certified in Fire Arms training.
-Go to a Styx Concert.

Next Month:

-Find and move into an apartment.
-Get all of the necessary changes of address approved.
-Transfer funds into a new bank (My current one doesn't have a branch in the town I'm moving to.).
-Get off my parent's insurance and onto my own.

Next Six Months:

-Pay off my car.
-Possibly get a second part-time job to save up money for:
-Getting my own house, and

Next Year:

-Starting school in the fall of '09. Study Criminal psychology or something similar that I can apply to my job.
-Get on the tactical team at work.
-Try and get promoted to the next Officer Position.

By 2011:

-Own a BMW.