Thoughts

I was driving home from the house of my friend Laurie tonight. It's about 35 miles I guess from my driveway to hers. Glancing out my driver's side window, I caught a glimpse of the Orion's Belt constellation. Every time I see it I seem to think it should be smaller. I swear when I was a kid, the constellation was about half the size as it is now. Perhaps it's just my imagination, but I'm always surprised at how vast it appears and how brightly the stars shine.

So, while I'm looking out, thinking of the vastness of the universe, a truck comes in my direction in the opposite lane, so I dim my high-beams and wonder, "What's that guy's story?"

What is any guy's story, really?

I woke up this morning about 7:45 AM. I had crashed at Laurie's house since I was still a bit sick from the flu and she had heating blankets and ibuprofin. I woke up this morning almost 100% better, and for some reason, quite emotional. I went to the doctor, got my new graphics card for the computer (Can't use it cause my power supply will burn out within seconds if I plug it in) and went back to Laurie's to drop her off.

On the way, I was explaining the basic plot of the musical, "Wicked" based off the novel by Gregory Maguire. While listening to the music, I don't know what exactly was happening, maybe hormones or some other brain chemicals were going wild, but I was on the brink of tears while listening to the first few tracks of the Broadway recording. Now, I always get the chills on the first track, "No One Mourns the Wicked". But this was ridiculous. (I do feel I relate to it in a way, for a long time being a non-Mormon in a heavily dominant Mormon town, I felt "wicked")

I also watched Obama's 30 minute... thing tonight. I dunno what to call it. It was a campaign ad, but it was mostly about American people that he intends to help as President. Whatever it was, it nearly put me in tears. This time, tears of joy, which I've only had like, twice in my life (both forced, to an extent, by the way) were right on the brink of falling out of my eyeballs.

I swear this all ties together in some way.

Another thing I've been doing recently in my spare time is studying the I-Ching. I had never heard of it actually until I read a book compiled from notes written by the late Bruce Lee called, Artist of Life. Apparently Lee had studied and contemplated it in his life, and since I'm a raging fanboy and want to do everything Bruce did, I got myself a copy. I got myself the supposed difinitive ultra awesome new translation by a guy who was imprisoned and tortured in China years ago and now teaches Tai Chi in California. (He has a pretty impressive life history actually, and writes a very... full book. There is so much information on each page that it would take years to understand even half of it, but it's not so dense that you can't get a little tidbit of great philosophy every time you sit and read it.)

In this book, the process of the universe, and in a way, a look at the Tao is explained. The cycle of the world is based upon 64 guas that each describe a moment or process in life that moves on to the next. The first two gua as "Taoist Master Alfred Huang" lists them are "Heaven" and "Earth", more commonly known as Yang and Yin. Positive and negative. To have a working knowledge of positive and negative, heaven and earth, you can effectively deflect anything undesireable in your life, neutralizing conflict and bringing peace to others, as well as your own mind.

Stay with me here, we have a few topics to remember. 1.) The universe is big, 2.) I'm interested in people, 3.) I'm hyper-emotional (Hyper-positive), 4.) My thoughts, of late, have been of peace and harmony.

Lastly, my younger brother and I were discussing a few nights ago about doing something big in life. This is a hard thing to define, because some people make amazing accomplishments within their mind, that no one can see, and no one will ever celebrate them because it is not visible. On the other hand, people that build big things and produce amazing tangible works in their lifetimes are remembered forever, even if it took little effort in the grand scheme of things.

So, in the realm of possibility, what could I possibly do to positively make a big impact on the world, while remaining within the balance of Yin and Yang? How can I help humans? Is it even my place to help others? What am I robbing people of by nosing my way into their lives?

My grandpa often offers to buy me things, take me out to dinner, make my life comfortable in a material sense whenever I am visiting him. He does this for his family because, in his mind, he will reap benefits and blessings here and in heaven for doing such good deeds. There is a minor flaw in that mindset, I believe, but it's a respectable outlook on life. If we refuse his offer, he usually gives us a spiel about how it "robs him of his blessings" because we are preventing him from doing a good deed.

Now, normally I don't buy into that "robbing of blessings" outlook. But I often use that tactic when I'm trying to help someone that doesn't want to be helped.



You know what, I'm incredibly tired right now and have completely lost the focus of this entry in the past two paragraphs.

Let me just get it out there while I can: I want to overthrow a Columbian drug cartel and start making millions shipping blow all over the world, buying an island nation, and beginning my ascent into world domination. That's it.

At the doctor today: She said she wanted me to get lab work done to make sure I didn't have diabetes or some kind of chronic health problem that was causing me to sleep so much (I have hypersombulism, which may be due to narcolepsy or sleep apnea and a lack of oxygen) and I'm also going to get a sleep study done sometime in the next week or two. I may also see a specialist and get some drugs if a proper diagnosis can't be found soon.

I still need to talk to a doctor about my hearing. I have a slight suspicion that my social problems are, in some way, due to hearing loss and the inability to follow conversation very well. Maybe it's just a vain hope that I'm unpopular due to some 3rd party, rather than having to blame myself, or maybe it's something that could actually, if understood and taken care of, help me develop more friendships.

All Moved In

The move went well. Curtis and I are comfy in our little two bedroom house off the beaten path here in El Dorado. This morning I was woken by Curtis having a crazy fit because he was attacked by a spider. A huge 4" leg-span type spider.

I went to investigate and found this "spider" to be nothing more than a cricket that jumped at him. We laughed it off and got groceries since we were going hungry.

We went to the Wichita art museum and to a "Computer Liquidation Sale" today, the latter being a total waste of our time and Laurie's money. There wasn't much available for sale and not a single thing was under normal resale value. We're talking ancient laptops with 12" screens and 6 GB hard drives selling for 400 dollars. You can get a pretty nice laptop from Walmart, complete with warranty and carrying case for less than 700. We left in disgust.

Anyway, we're broke and bored, but really excited to have our own house. I hope things work out well here.

Also, there is this here TV that I got for 100 dollars because the lamp was burned out.

This is it for Wyoming

This is my last night in Wyoming, possibly forever. I know I say that all melodramatically, but it isn't entirely unlikely. Unless I come back to help my parents move, then I'm never coming back. I have no reason to really as all of my friends have left and gone on to new things, or will be shortly. Who knows where life will take me now, and who cares?

I had a really good day today. I spent most of it with my ex. We went to Rock Springs, had our order taken by Bruce Lee (he screwed up our order. Dude's losing it.) and then window shopped at a few places. We finished up by watching Baby Mama. Michael McCullers can really write a good script. The story had a nice arc and good character development in addition to being quite funny. It was all around good. Will I buy it? meh, I don't buy many comedies because the jokes stop being super funny after the first view or two. Maybe if i find it on sale.

I spent the last two hours out in the mud with my brother and sister, building a fire. I felt like we really had a bonding night. We all talked about our plans for the future, our religious beliefs, our political ideals, everything that you aren't supposed to talk about with family. I'm an incredibly lucky/blessed/whathaveyou guy to have such an awesome family. We get along seemingly better than most families and we have some of the coolest conversations ranging from lessons on the purpose and use of a bong, to step by step instructions on how to get out of the military, to simply thanking my parents for giving us good genes (We know we were all mistakes, Mom, but you did a good job anyway. Stop trying to drive the point home.)

Now though, I'm going to just relax and fall asleep to some AWESOME, TASTEFUL, AND ALTOGETHER INFORMATIVE MALE ENHANCEMENT INFOMERCIALS.