Groceries

I've declared the month Frugal February, or possibly Parsimoniuary: The month of frugality. To start it off right, I spent $188 on groceries just now which had better last until March, or so help me I'll just quit the whole eating thing. Groceries are for chumps, fool.

This month I want to really buckle down and save some money. I think I've gotten a little carried away with the extra cash I have on hand these days since I moved and paid off my car, and as a result have grossly over-indulged in eating out and going to the theater. I love going to the theater in Wichita, but it costs at least 12 bucks a visit, since I usually pay for Rachel, and that's the matinee cost, which is hard for me to get to since I sleep all day, so we end up paying 9 each.

And then we have to buy dinner afterwards or before or whatever, and that's anywhere from 6 to 30 dollars, depending on how fancy we want it.

And dare I go into my book buying sprees? I have somewhere around twenty new books laying around and not getting read, because I buy lots of--

Video games. My PS3 died again, and Sony wouldn't fix it for free (they wanted 180 dollars), so I fixed it on my own for $35. In the meantime, I totalled up how much I've invested just in video games. Over 2k. Just in PS3 games and accessories. I don't even want to think about how much I payed for the gamecube and PS2 and PC games sitting here on my shelf.

But I don't regret any of it. The games make a good hobby, and it's good socialization with a couple people I know in real life yet can't see regularly. I just need to cool it and pay off my credit card, then get a security fund and start really saving for the future and an abundance of artillery for the 2012 apocalypse. Cause when the Illuminati come knocking at my door, I want to be the guy with the bigger gun so I can blow his brains out, asking questions later, of course.

*sigh* I've had a hankering for a little debate mischief with a dude who posted the most ridiculously idiotic anti-gun-control diatribe on his facebook wall. However, after I psychoanalyzed his desire for destruction due to his parent's divorce and his ensuing struggle with uncontrollable circumstances and the following love for ensuring his dominance over all things smaller than him, then it just became too sad to try and bring up. Poor guy.

I quit my Lexapro about 3 weeks ago. Maybe 4 now. Same thing happened to me this time as last; I've been freaking out. Best way to explain it is, when I take the drug, whatever the reason (this last time to try and regulate my sleeping habits), my mind becomes conditioned to handling stimuli in a certain way. Impulses get redirected and though you can't really see it on the outside, my persona changes just a little on the inside.

So when the drug is gone, the stimuli hits me and I instinctively react in a certain way, have an emotional response, and then get the opportunity to interpret the stimuli more objectively. The trouble is, that objectivity is sometimes influenced by the hormones that were released because of the emotional response.

For example, I wrote a short piece on my other blog, a writing exercise where two characters resolve a conflict. I asked Rachel how it was and she said it "was a little first-drafty."

Now, I wouldn't call it my finest work, but I was happy with it. It wasn't a first draft, but it was a single-sitting piece. I went over it about three times in an hour and called it good.

The stimuli, her comment "first-drafty" hit me like a truck and really upset me. So I had this stress reaction, the hormones flowed and I got pissy. For a minute or two, I couldn't think of a positive thing to say about her and I thought about trashing her work as revenge. But then, that instinctual reaction waned and I could calm down and take a step outside of myself and say, "Look, she didn't mean anything harsh. She just said it could use some work. You like improving your writing, don't you? Yeah. Then calm down and talk to her about it."

Before I went on the drug, this wouldn't have been an issue. During my time on the drug, this wouldn't have been an issue. Three weeks after quitting it? Yeah, it's an issue. Everything is an issue. I've been a major rollercoaster of emotion lately, experiencing the whole range: Ecstacy, joy, contentment, boredom, anger, depression, sometimes all of them in a short period of time. It's been rough, but I think I'm moving up. Shopping tonight seemed to make me feel like I'm not doing so poorly after all.

Walmart, Guns, and Pizza

I'm eating a leftover breadstick from the Il Vicino pizza place in Wichita. Good food, good service, good jazz music and a nice ambient atmosphere. It's a little pricey for what you get, in terms of quantity, but the general quality of everything there is above par. I'll be going there again in the near future for foodage.

So, the basis for our trek into Wichita was for Rachel to get some ideas on Laptop prices. She needs one for school and I wanted to help her find a good deal. We only really stopped at Best Buy and didn't find much that was promising. There was one or two that would work just fine, but were already showing their age right on the shelf, and even though having the newest fastest computer on the market is usually a waste, having one that is already pathetic by tomorrow's standards is probably moving backwards a little bit. I can't say I really know what I'm talking about, but I'm just riffing on instinct at this point.

While we were there, we stopped by the gun store, where some creepy dude promptly said, "Now tha's wut I'm talkin' abowt" while eyeing Rachel hungrily. I just wanted to check out magazines for my new gun I kinda bought (in a rather shady deal uptown. Another story for another day.). The store there wanted to sell a 7 round magazine for 27 dollars. I said, "hmmm, I'll think about it." I lied though, because I found a three pack online (www.thesportsmansguide.com) for the same price, and the reviews look good and I've bought stuff from them before. I had no intention to think twice about paying that much for a single magazine. I did, however, buy an overpriced box of ammo to test out the gun with tomorrow.

Which brings me to the next point. My friend Laurie, who just hit her 5-year anniversary at Walmart, and I are going shooting tomorrow. I think we'll paint pictures of her employers on the targets before we obliterate them. She got a pathetic raise, and no congratulations for her hard work. Seems that they quickly forgot about how she beat cancer and was hit by a car all while undergoing the stresses of Multiple Sclerosis during her latest six months there. Stupid machine.

Luckily she'll have a car soon so she can try to get a job somewhere else. Unfortunately there, though, the economy still sucks and many places are having hiring freezes right now, and she can't afford a drop in pay rate.

As for my job, I'm currently on suspension for bringing my cell phone into the facility. Automatic 3-day suspension without pay. It's not too big of a deal, really, but it goes on my record, and prevents me from being promoted for one year. So the earliest I can go up in rank is March of 2010. I guess it's a good thing and a bad thing. If I tried to promote now, and got it, I would be really unprepared for the responsibility. Another year will help me understand the laws and rules better so that I would do a more thorough job. My supervisor told me the other night though that as soon as I get past my year of disciplinary probation, I'm a shoe-in for promotion. I said thank you for the compliment and he said, "I'm serious. You're a smart kid." It was really nice to hear.

Yum

cranberries, raspberries, grapes, pomegranate, and some mixed nuts.

Speed Racer, Bruce Lee, and Aging Hips

I went on a walk today. Not a jog, cause I'm a wuss, but a walk. I think I made it about 5 miles round-trip, which trashed my hip. I guess my left leg is shorter than my right, or at least my spine is crooked enough to make some kind of distinction. About 3/4 of the way through my journey my leg started to ache, and by the time I got back to my bedroom I was done walking for awhile. This wouldn't have happened if I had kept up my usual walking routine, but the way winter was back in Lyman this year I couldn't keep anything up. ZING!

So, while I was on my walk, I passed by Walmart, and cut across the parking lot to get downtown. I saw Christian Slater pushing carts with a yellow little safety vest on. He has a sunburn and it appears that meth abuse has damaged his teeth. Still slicks his hair back stylishly though, which is comforting.

While I'm speaking of obscure celebrities, Bruce Lee works at a Chinese restaurant in Rock Springs, Wyoming. It's called The Wonderful House, and it is the only good thing about Rock Springs, Wyoming. I had some delightful Cherry Chicken there once, and another time I had Sesame Chicken that was probably the best Sesame Chicken I've ever had, and I've eaten at just about every Chinese restaurant in Wyoming. Bruce has aged well, but his hairline has receded significantly. He also appears to have lost the ability to speak English properly, but hey, it's Rock Springs. I'm not surprised.

Lastly, I saw Speed Racer tonight. I already wrote a bit about it and posted it at Cracked.com so I'll just link to it. It it it it it it it. If you say "it" over and over you say funny words.

http://www.cracked.com/forums/index.php?topic=29679.msg867182#msg867182