Groceries

I've declared the month Frugal February, or possibly Parsimoniuary: The month of frugality. To start it off right, I spent $188 on groceries just now which had better last until March, or so help me I'll just quit the whole eating thing. Groceries are for chumps, fool.

This month I want to really buckle down and save some money. I think I've gotten a little carried away with the extra cash I have on hand these days since I moved and paid off my car, and as a result have grossly over-indulged in eating out and going to the theater. I love going to the theater in Wichita, but it costs at least 12 bucks a visit, since I usually pay for Rachel, and that's the matinee cost, which is hard for me to get to since I sleep all day, so we end up paying 9 each.

And then we have to buy dinner afterwards or before or whatever, and that's anywhere from 6 to 30 dollars, depending on how fancy we want it.

And dare I go into my book buying sprees? I have somewhere around twenty new books laying around and not getting read, because I buy lots of--

Video games. My PS3 died again, and Sony wouldn't fix it for free (they wanted 180 dollars), so I fixed it on my own for $35. In the meantime, I totalled up how much I've invested just in video games. Over 2k. Just in PS3 games and accessories. I don't even want to think about how much I payed for the gamecube and PS2 and PC games sitting here on my shelf.

But I don't regret any of it. The games make a good hobby, and it's good socialization with a couple people I know in real life yet can't see regularly. I just need to cool it and pay off my credit card, then get a security fund and start really saving for the future and an abundance of artillery for the 2012 apocalypse. Cause when the Illuminati come knocking at my door, I want to be the guy with the bigger gun so I can blow his brains out, asking questions later, of course.

*sigh* I've had a hankering for a little debate mischief with a dude who posted the most ridiculously idiotic anti-gun-control diatribe on his facebook wall. However, after I psychoanalyzed his desire for destruction due to his parent's divorce and his ensuing struggle with uncontrollable circumstances and the following love for ensuring his dominance over all things smaller than him, then it just became too sad to try and bring up. Poor guy.

I quit my Lexapro about 3 weeks ago. Maybe 4 now. Same thing happened to me this time as last; I've been freaking out. Best way to explain it is, when I take the drug, whatever the reason (this last time to try and regulate my sleeping habits), my mind becomes conditioned to handling stimuli in a certain way. Impulses get redirected and though you can't really see it on the outside, my persona changes just a little on the inside.

So when the drug is gone, the stimuli hits me and I instinctively react in a certain way, have an emotional response, and then get the opportunity to interpret the stimuli more objectively. The trouble is, that objectivity is sometimes influenced by the hormones that were released because of the emotional response.

For example, I wrote a short piece on my other blog, a writing exercise where two characters resolve a conflict. I asked Rachel how it was and she said it "was a little first-drafty."

Now, I wouldn't call it my finest work, but I was happy with it. It wasn't a first draft, but it was a single-sitting piece. I went over it about three times in an hour and called it good.

The stimuli, her comment "first-drafty" hit me like a truck and really upset me. So I had this stress reaction, the hormones flowed and I got pissy. For a minute or two, I couldn't think of a positive thing to say about her and I thought about trashing her work as revenge. But then, that instinctual reaction waned and I could calm down and take a step outside of myself and say, "Look, she didn't mean anything harsh. She just said it could use some work. You like improving your writing, don't you? Yeah. Then calm down and talk to her about it."

Before I went on the drug, this wouldn't have been an issue. During my time on the drug, this wouldn't have been an issue. Three weeks after quitting it? Yeah, it's an issue. Everything is an issue. I've been a major rollercoaster of emotion lately, experiencing the whole range: Ecstacy, joy, contentment, boredom, anger, depression, sometimes all of them in a short period of time. It's been rough, but I think I'm moving up. Shopping tonight seemed to make me feel like I'm not doing so poorly after all.

Money Bag

I like metal money. Seriously, it's super cool and not many people use it. It's totally eco-friendly because coins don't get destroyed as easily as paper money. Also, it's totally rad to throw a money bag at someone as payment for something while you turn into the sunset, smoking a cigarette and never looking back. I'm talking about a badass money bag like this one:
How cool is that! I just cut up some old footie pajamas that didn't fit me, lined it with a piece of black cloth and used an elastic hair-piece to seal it off and now I'm the proud owner of a SMALL WALLET. It holds 99 rupees.
Someday when I try to purchase the red tunic I might need to track down an ADULT MONEY BAG.
But with only 27 dollars in Gold Dollars and Silver Half-dollars, I think the regular wallet will be fine. Someday I may get a GIANT WALLET to store up to 999 rupees!

The good and bad

Ubuntu 9.04 is out, and I am enjoying it muchly right now. There are cool desktop screenlets for weather and news, and I have a secondary desktop that monitors my motherboard and logs my network usage. It's very cool. Computer boots up in about 30 seconds as well, as opposed to several minutes with Vista. I'm impressed with the improvements that have been made in the last year.

But then there's the sleep issues and the money issues. I'm just about off the Ritalin, though it's pretty much the only thing that will keep me awake these days. I just woke up from a three hour nap I took while I was reading a book. Probably fell asleep between midnight and 1 AM, and then woke up at 3:18. I went, "Aw... fu--" and blinked. When I opened my eyes, it was 4:30 AM, which was the time I planned to go to bed for the night anyway. That's enormously frustrating, though I took it pretty well. I know I've been sleep deprived lately, so I saw it coming, but losing 4 hours unintentionally doesn't help much.

The state budget is under scrutiny right now. Apparently the state is ten million over budget in the Corrections department, so they are trying to figure out how to save the money. One proposal was a 5% pay cut for state employees, which was luckily shot down. However, the route that they will probably take is likely just as bad. They may end up closing down more facilities and removing inmate programs, leading to overcrowding and unrest, which could in turn make my job more dangerous. I don't really need that, though, it may keep me awake if that's the case.

But besides a little frustration, life is really good. The weather is getting unpredictable and crazy. There's lots of rain and we've already had some tornado activity. I love the excitement.

Also, I ran a mile in 9:37, then matched that record again a couple days later. I hope to beat it tomorrow when I run again.

Theft

My car was broken into a few days ago. I knew it was coming, so I'm not upset. I lost one 12" Subwoofer, one 600 watt Amplifier, and about 50 CDs that I've collected over the past two years.

Really, I'm not upset about it. My girlfriend was much more upset about it than I was cause the theft occurred in front of her house right on the street. I didn't lock the car, so it serves me right. I hope the perpetrator enjoys the high quality sound of the Pioneer system s/he took, or at least is able to pay the bills this month after selling it on the street. According to the pawn shop I went to, that's what they would most likely do. Wichita is a good place to sell something like that right on the street.

In other news, I'm loving Resident Evil 5. It's a blast to play co-op with a friend or certainly special friend of the female inclination.

Also, possibly going to be moving next month when Curtis moves back to Utah. I don't want to pay so much for utilities in this house if I can manage it.

What else is there to cover?

Got my tax return today, so I just wrote out a fat check to my credit card company. I'm a little closer to being out of debt. Within a few months, I'll have my car paid off too. Things are starting to turn around for me financially, finally. Moving is too expensive, and trying to find a job these days that pays well, shoot, just trying to find a job these days is rough. I'm glad to finally be seeing some light on the horizon after my months of unemployment and my crappy restaurant job. Thems were some dim times.

I feel lucky though. I realize how lucky I am, and I certainly don't take my stability for granted. I never really have, always being low on funds growing up and even when I was out of the house.

First thing on my list of expenses is to see my family. I'm going next month no matter what, so Ma and Pa better get excited.

Money Troubles

I've somewhat recently gotten myself into financial trouble due to being unemployed for 3 months. One thing led to another, one plan after another preceded my responsibilities, and before I knew it, I didn't have enough money to pay my bills. I'll admit right up front that this is entirely my fault. I didn't try particularly hard to get a job and I spent money that I didn't have. But right now, all I can do is try to fix it. Problem is, even if I were hired today at one of the places I've applied to, there is no way I'll get a paycheck before my bills are due.

Short of selling all of my possessions or trying to become a prostitute in a heavily Mennonite town in Kansas, is there any way to make a few quick dollars within a week or two? Like say, 100 to 200 dollars? Anyone have ideas? Can I draw you a picture and sign it for 5 dollars and do one for twenty people?

I actually would seriously do that. I'm good with pencil sketches, and I'll take requests for 5 dollars.