PART 2 THE RECKONING

So, I woke up Thursday morning toward the end of my trip after a relatively nice nap. The weather outside was a bit windy and oddly cold for the time of year and geographic location, but nice regardless compared to 90% of the weather in Wyoming at any given time of the year.

I sat down to watch some morning news and beheld a foreboding broadcast. Twenty inches of snow forecasted in Denver. Nearly two feet in a 24 hour period. Two feet accumulating before and during the expected time I would be actually driving through Denver on Interstate Highway #70.

Curtis woke up a bit later and I greeted him with a semi-typical, "WE ARE GOING TO DIE TODAY" to which he replied, "The early morning death visions are a sign of your deteriorating condition and I think you forgot your meds." "Nay, brother," I exclaimed, "Look upon the news box and define what thine eyes might see!"

He watched the news for a bit and apologized for the comment regarding my deteriorating mental state. We discussed our options and decided that neither of us had ever been to New Mexico before. Since it was south in the warm part of the country, we could circumvent the snow and see new sights before getting home, and hey, we might save time too by avoiding road closures.

We packed up and left at 12:15 PM, then said goodbye to my mom at the gas station she manages while I filled up with fuel. She bought us drinks and reminded us to wear our seatbelts and then we were off.

We drove through Zion National Park.

Then down to I-40 whre we began our trip East.

Oh wait, no, we didn't. We got stuck in traffic just outside Winslow, Arizona. 14 miles to be exact, where traffic was at a standstill for seven straight miles due to some kind of accident ahead of us. It took two hours of turning off the engine, waiting around, starting it, then moving twenty feet just to repeat the process in order to travel seven miles. Seven. 7. Ciete (Spanish). Set (Questionably-spelled French). Seven.

And Winslow was jam packed with vehicles, so we didn't stop until Joseph City, where Curtis and I finally switched off. I slept for about two hours in the back seat while Curtis drove through an ice storm in Galup, New Mexico. I didn't realize this, otherwise, I wouldn't have slept.

I woke up just outside of Albuquerque where we stopped at the Indian Reservation. I took over driving again there where the weather was clear. On the west side of Albuquerque, the roads were clear and dry. On the east side, the roads had an inch of snow upon them. Thus began the next 8 STRAIGHT HOURS OF NON STOP SOLID ICE ON THE ROAD AND NOT A SINGLE MINUTE OF CLEAR SKY NOR A MOMENT OF PEACE FROM THE RAGING TORRENTS OF WIND THAT THREATENED TO PUSH ME STRAIGHT OFF THE SLICK PAVEMENT INTO A SNOW DRIFT BEYOND.

Let me try to recall what happened in some semblance of an order. Uh, I followed a Plow Truck for about 30 seconds before he himself crashed into the median where I promptly followed since I couldn't see the road (apparently, neither could he!). Luckily, I hit my brakes before I hit him, so I was able to continue my journey.

A few hours later, I was going up a hill where I saw two semi trucks stopped in both lanes ahead of me. I slowed down to gauge my decision regarding my next move, when the truck ahead of me tried to pull forward. Unfortunately, the road was so slick that he could not pull forward. In fact, he started sliding diagonally backwards and to the right when he spun his wheels. The truck behind me realized he couldn't stop if he wanted to avoid being stranded, so he went onto the relatively narrow shoulder to keep moving ahead and came roughly six inches from taking my side mirror clean off the driver's side door.

Since I was then stopped, I tried to move ahead and found that I could only spin my tires, so I spun them to a rate of about 40 mph in order to lazily slide to the left onto the shoulder to where I found traction and then continued my travel.

Later, in Toscanini? Tucanini? Something like that, New Mexico, the snow was then drifting onto the highway. It was about a foot high on the north side of the road. The highway was not closed. I paid particularly close attention to that fact as I drove onward, despite the fact that the wind was blowing so hard that I literally could not see my hood, let alone the street. Between gusts, I would accelerate to twenty miles per hour and go until the next gust, where I would stop and wait until it was safe again. (Pro tip: In harsh snow where city street lights reflect and scatter from snowflake to snowflake, it is actually easier to see the road if you turn your headlights off completely and rely on the faint yellow glow of the metropolis you are driving through, instead of having to squint through the heavy contrast caused by your headlights bouncing direct light into your eyes.)

8 hours after Albuquerque, we made it to Amarillo, Texas, where the snow was still blowing, drifting, and icing over the road. A few miles outside of Amarillo, we traded driving so I could hallucinate with my eyes closed instead of open and on the road (at one point I saw a giant robot smash a car ahead of me with his/her laser-drill fist). I slept for about an hour (according to Curtis, through another spontaneous ice storm.) and then woke up to the sweet smell of a McDonalds Big Mac. I took over driving again an hour north of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.

The rest of the road was wet, but not icy. Total trip time coming home was 28 hours, almost on the dot. Trip time to Utah was 21 hours, again, almost on the dot. Gas mileage was worse coming home. First two tanks averaged between 37 and 39 mpg, and the second tank and a half averaged 30 to 33 mpg, as opposed to the solid 38-39 range going to Utah a few days before.

In conclusion, cars suck, the weather sucks, and I'm never driving that kind of idiotic retarded moronic drive in one straight shot in the unpredictable spring ever again in my life.

The Most Retarded Trip

Surprisingly, I am alive and well. I'm so surprised that I am actually wondering how I made it to today without so much as a scratch upon my delicate supple man-skin.

Where do I start? I put in for a vacation several weeks ago at work so I could see my family in Utah. Unfortunately, my older brother couldn't make it, but I got to see my parents and grandparents at least. It's been awhile, so it was worth it all.

Anyway, Sunday morning on the 22nd of March at 8:19 AM, Curtis and I were done packing and hopped in the car to make our trip. The Mapquest estimate was around 19 hours and we figured we could do it in one go, trading off periodically. We got a late start because Curtis spent the entire night looking for the car keys that I accidentally kept in my pocket. I ended up needing Rachel to pick me up from work so I could get home to produce viable engine-starting keys.

So, we had a two-hour delay there, but that wasn't a big deal. We took off on the drive, the very bumpy, vibratory drive. You see, my front passenger side rim is bent beyond repair, and caused the car to vibrate at roughly the rate of rotation. I would find out later that this vibration was not actually caused entirely by the rim damage, but from the rear wheels with axle damage causing the wheels to wear unevenly as if I locked up the wheels going 100 mph and wearing only one particular section of each wheel. Since the wheels were slightly different sizes due to their differing amounts of wear, the vibration came and went at regular intervals and moved from side to side... The car ride was bumpy, is what I'm saying.

We got through Kansas and most of Colorado with no incident. Curtis and I talked and sang songs and had a good time. I took a nap and then we got some gas. We did great on mileage, averaging around 39 mpg the whole way.

Then we got to the first mountain. My car couldn't handle the incline, so I did it all in 3rd gear, going about 30 mph the whole way to the summit, then rolling down the 8% grade in 4th gear to limit my speed to 60 so I didn't fly off the cliffs or crash into the car riding their brake the entire way just in front of me.

Then a deer headbutted my driver's side window. See, one jumped out in front of me, to which I replied, "OH CRAP OH CRAPOHCRAPCRAPCRAP!" I managed to avoid his delicious posterior and swerved slightly to continue on, when his little buddy decided to literally headbutt my window. I looked to the left to just catch his snout smearing snot and saliva across the glass pane. In my rear-view mirror I saw him trot off into the brush, satisfied with his stunt. He probably high-fived his buddy just out of sight.

So I checked my wheels again next time I got gas, and saw that the rear tires were wearing pretty fast. It was too late to get new ones at a tire store or at walmart, so I just decided to push forward. Curtis drove again and I tried to sleep, but I couldn't cause it was dark and we were climbing yet another mountain with cliffs and I just got a little nervous. We ended up in Grand Junction later than expected where we took a quick pee break and then continued to march forward. Onward ever onward.

We passed Green River, Utah with two gallons of gas left. The nearest gas station, which I didn't realize at the time, was about 100 miles away. We climbed yet another fricken' mountain, then saw that we would not make it to the safety of a few gallons of petroleum distillate. But glory be, the wafaring angels sang and behold, a sign appeared!

"GAS FOOD NEXT EXIT"

We pull off, rejoicing at our luck, then immediately cursing our fate...

"GAS 21 MILES NORTH"

Somehow, I've been blessed with extreme luck. You see, I have a 10 gallon gas tank in my Corolla. When we rolled in to Ferren, Utah, I somehow managed to put 10.24 gallons of Dubya Juice into the money hole of fuel.

Hour long detour there, 3 hours behind our normal schedule... Then another mountain to climb, while snowing. I hit the second worst snow storm of my life then, and managed to drive the rest of the way to St. George unable to see. Joy.

I passed 8 or 10 cars all parked, waiting out the storm. I just kept going.

Then we were in St. George.

Tune in next time for part 2. THE RECKONING!

Plans for the future

I've always wanted to travel, but when you grow up in poverty, having trouble making ends meet, it's hard to scrounge up the money to get out and see the world. I've always made a point to exploring everything I could within walking distance. For instance, there is an awesome bluff, pond, and field just behind my parent's house here in Lyman. I spent so much time back there, exercising, practicing martial arts, swordfighting little kids, and getting attacked by horses... good memories.

But past that bluff, which is about a half-mile away, it gets too far to walk and really enjoy the sights. Don't get me wrong, I can walk forever if need be (I planned to walk across the state of Wyoming last summer and was training for it) but eventually your feet start to hurt and your mind starts to wander. Anyway, I'm trailing away from the point--

When my uncle picked me up from the airport the other day, we discussed places to live. He dislikes the dry climate in Utah, and loves the Washington state area. I really enjoy the humid warm area I live in in Kansas right now, but I know I'll miss the mountains before long. I mentioned that I would like to one day backpack across Europe. The idea just sounds awesome to me. My uncle suggested Brazil because the dollar is stronger and I won't go broke just from trying to eat. I gave it some thought, and it sounds more and more appealing as time goes on.

So, my tentative plans right now are four things:

1) Learn some Portuguese and Spanish. If I put my mind to it and practice every day with Rosetta Stone and some books, I'll be good.
2) Learn more Self Defense. I will not be taken advantage of.
3) Save some money. I only have a few things that I have projected money for in the next 6 months: Metal Gear Solid 4, a trip to Pennsylvania to meet with friends, and another trip to Missouri, then perhaps money to fix my car (if it breaks down soon, which it might.)
4) Get a passport. Duh.

And that's it. Perhaps I'll have a friend to travel with, but I'm not particularly bothered by going alone. I just need to set my mind to it and GO.