Bringing people up vs. Cutting them down

I'm the kind of person that likes to bring other people up, first and foremost. I like to be friendly, I like to flirt, a lot, and I like to give compliments at completely random and inappropriate times. I'm a rather absurd person in a way... I guess you could say I'm really raw? I don't sugar coat things, I'm just honest. I get this from my mom, mostly (the brutal honesty thing).

I also like to think of myself as able to see things from more points of view than my own. I can sympathize with people who disagree with me, because I often see where they are coming from, and I can explain to them, honestly, how our views differ and how we can compromise. At least, I can see how we differ, but getting the compromise to WORK is an issue.

I've known this girl, we'll call her Michelle, for that is her name, for a few months now. "Known" is a bit of a misnomer, for I haven't met her in real life. We chat it up daily. Anyway, we get along fairly well, or did until recently.

Part of who I am, like I said before, is someone who loves to flirt and get along well. My flirting is not often of the serious variety because I'm rather shy when it comes down to being forward and direct. Maybe that's why I flirt so innocently, anyway...

Michelle hates when people flirt with her. She hates it so much that she gets angry. When she gets angry, she proudly, and I stress the proud aspect, becomes a hatin'-beeotch. She says the most condescending and malevolent things to purposefully cut a man down. All because she hates to be flirted with.

This reminds me of a philosophical question I asked myself a year ago after reading the short story, "Is God a Taoist?"

What makes a sin, a sin? After some thought, it can pretty much be summed up as saying, "A sin is an action that causes harm to another." So with that definition, we come to some difficulty.

Let's take cursing for example. Some faiths believe that cursing is a sin. Does cursing harm anyone? Your first guess would most likely be, "No. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Seems pretty clear cut. However, there are different uses of curse words. You can curse AT someone, or you can just curse as part of your language. Cursing AT someone is what I would call a sin, because the intent and the following action are meant to hurt someone.

But what about just cursing when you regularly speak? What about when you are angry (but not pointing your cursings at any person)? If you are like me, sometimes when someone curses, you get a little uneasy. Now, I've been around cursing my whole life, so I can imagine that someone who hasn't gets even more uncomfortable when someone curses, perhaps even to the point of physical sickness.

Such was the case with my friend from high school and college. She claimed that hearing the "F" word literally made her nauseous.

So who is at fault? Does her mental block on swearing make her the sinner for belligerently condemning an innocent word? Or am I sinning because I knowingly swear around her with the knowledge of her apparent "condition"?

Now, this example is pretty clear cut because the premise of the situation revolves around only a handful of precepts. In this case I would be in the wrong, I believe, because I'm being disrespectful to her belief. But what if I didn't know she got sick when hearing curse words? What if she said it's okay? What if I was trying to help her see that she doesn't HAVE TO GET SICK?

Let's backtrack now. Michelle hates when I flirt, yet flirting is a core part of my personality. When I flirt, the intent is to bring her up. When she lashes out at me, her intent is to cut me down. Since I know that she hates when I flirt, and I still do it, am I at fault for trying to help her be happier? Is this a case of good intentions and poor implementation? Is she at fault for trying to teach me a lesson? Is she at fault for trying to make herself less uncomfortable?

Her and I are no longer on speaking terms because I told her that her intent to harm my emotions was unacceptable for a friendship and that I felt it was unfair that my intent to bring her up was always trodden upon. She took that as me calling her, "the problem."

I'm not sure who is right or wrong here. Since I'm biased and believe I always know what's right, of course my gut reaction is to be defensive and be angry that she is so ignorant of her behavior, but looking back, perhaps I could have cut back on my flirting.

Of course, that opens up a whole other can of philosophical worms. Questions like, "At what point in changing my personality for others am I making a sin against myself?" and, "Who am I, exactly, other than a few repeating patterns of behavior, some of them potentially destructive, anyway?"

That first question I had to ask myself during a Church musical concert where I was asked to cut my hair in order to perform. I'll tell that story another time perhaps.